Homeland Security Scrambles After Mysterious Odor Is Detected on Columbia University Campus (September 24, 2007)
Homeland Security officials scrambled this week when sensors strategically placed throughout Manhattan detected what might be the fumes from poison gas or a major chemical leak.Thankfully, investigators quickly discovered that the stench was attributable solely to Columbia University President Lee C. Bollinger, who has smelled more and more putrid ever since he invited Iranian Dictator Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to speak on campus on September 24, 2007.
Indeed, even though the reeking A-Jad returned home more than two months ago to stone some more women and hang some additional gays, the noxious nature of his visit lingers.
"In the name of academic freedom, we believe that Columbia University must not shy away from controversial speakers, even if they do smell like rotted Roquefort cheese," Bolling told WYNC radio in New York.
Nonetheless, those who study Bollinger most closely say that so strong is the odor emanating from his own foul thinking, he has taken to holding his nose even in private.
During the WYNC interview, Bollinger's voice sounded more like Lilly's Tomlin's "Ernestine" than the man who introduced A-Jad back in September. "One ringy-dingy, two ringy-dingy," Bollinger snorted. It seems his abysmal leadership has gone to his head.
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