Moe Howard, Larry Fine and Curly Howard never met Lee C. "Stinky" Bollinger, Richard "Dicky" W. Bulliet or John H. "John-John" Coatsworth.

If they had, Moe, Larry and Curly would certainly have forfeited their moniker to the true three stooges still performing daily at Columbia University.


Not even Moe, Curly and Larry Could Compete With These Clowns!

Moe Howard	Curly Howard	Larry Fine
"Stinky" Bollinger	"Dicky" Bulliet	"John-John"

Stinky: I want Harlem.  I deserve Harlem.  I'll hold my nose until I get Harlem.

Dicky:  There is more pornography today than ever, because we are no longer as agrarian as we once were and hence we can't sleep with as many sheep as our ancestors did.

John-John:  I have invitations to speak out to Genghis Khan, Jeffrey Dahmer, Dylan Klebold and Slobodan Milosevic. Boy, oh boy, I hope they can come.

Stinky:  Hey, Dicky, why did you blame me in the Washington Post for all of Columbia's woes?

Dicky:  You knucklehead.  Who did you expect me to blame, John-John?

John-John:  Noogies on both of you.  I'm the Acting Dean and you're not!

Stinky:  Don't you get it, John-John?  You're acting because I didn't want to give you the job on a permanent basis, you putz.

John-John:  You're just jealous cause I got all the media attention for wanting Hitler to come to campus.

Dicky:  I want Hitler, too.  I really do. Please, oh please, can we invite him?

Stinky:  Shut up, Dicky.  Go find a camel somewhere and kick it.

John-John:  You can't talk to Dicky like that, he's one of my professors.

Stinky:  You moron.  Dicky thinks you are a chump and so do I.  Don't defend that dimwit.

Dicky:  I can speak for myself.  John-John, you are a moron.

John-John:  Well good thing we've all got tenure.  Better yet, the Columbia Board of Trustees is even dumber than we are.

Stinky:  Heh, heh.  Heh, heh.  At least on that point we can all agree.  Heh, heh.  (Hey, what's that smell in here?  Smells like rancid showmanship.)